Audition Application:
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Audition Monologues:
CHUCK: What? Were you expecting some nerd? ‘Cause I’m not a nerd. I got a girlfriend. From New York. I met her on a little thing I like to call…The INTERNET! You’ve been on the Internet, right? It’s the bomb, right? I got it hooked up at my house. Top of the line. I’m talking 56 kilobits per second! Blazing fast. If you ever want to come over and check it out… Look, I should tell you something up front. Nothing can happen between us, okay? I know you were vibing me and all when we first met, but now that I know who you are, it would be disrespectful. So if you’re cool with that, then I can help you.
FARRAH – Look, you overgrown sack of stupid, just because I’m pretty doesn’t mean I won’t mess you up! Seriously, did you see a sign on the way in here that said “Petting Zoo?” Now get out of my magically enchanted forest before I decide to go all Faerie berserker all over your ugly asses. Ain’t no one here gonna be nice all the damn time. Faeries are happy. HAP-PY. No one said nice. And I’m brimming like mad with some magical happiness. And guess what makes me happiest? Kicking the crap out of any lame-ass adventurers who decide to trespass on my magically enchanted forest!
AGNES: Do you want to know what my memories of Tilly are? They’re of this little nerdy girl who I never talked to, who I ignored, who I didn’t understand because she didn’t live in the same world as I did. Her world was filled with evil jello molds and demon queens and slacker Gods while mine…had George Michael and leg-warmers. I didn’t know her. I assumed I would one day – that she’d grow out of all this – that I’d be able to sit around and ask her about normal things like clothes and TV shows and boys…I didn’t know her, Vera.
TILLY: Every adventurer has a party. This one’s ours. Cue the intro music. Go. First up is Lilith Morningstar. Class: Demon Queen. She acts as our squad’s muscle. Whenever you’re surrounded by an armada of Ogres, she’s the one you want holding the steel. She is a perfect combination of both beauty and brawn. Next up is Kaliope Darkwalker. Along with her natural Elvin agility and athleticism, she’s also a master tracker, lock-picker, and has more than a few magical surprised up her non-existent sleeves. No pointy-eared creature has ever rocked so much lady hotness. And then there’s me. I’m the brains of this operation.
ORCUS: Behold my comically large map of New Landia. This is the path you will have to take if you want to face The Tiamat. You must first travel down the River of Wetness to the Swamps of Mushy, then you will climb the Mountain of Steepness to the Castle of Evil. But to be able to face The Tiamat, you will have to face and defeat all three of its guardians, the Big Bosses of New Landia. And each one of them are totally badass so – most likely – one if not all of you will die before you get there. So, yeah, you gotta do that.
NARRATOR: Agnes Evans grew up average. She was of average height, average weight, and average build. She had average parents and grew up in the average town of Athens, Ohio with her little sister Tilly. Though they shared the same parentage, the two girls had very little in common. Agnes being of average disposition was into more typical things such as boys, music, and popular television programs while her sister Tilly became fascinated with the dark arts – magic, dragons, and the vanquishing of pure evil. As Agnes grew and grew, she became more and more engrossed with transcending her seemingly permanent state of averageness and made one grand wish on the night of her college graduation that she would forever regret.